Jokes from Geronimo!


Geronimo here to get you laughing! 

 

Check out these funny answering machine jokes...

Practical Joke

You're a Winner

Lost Phone

Dude

Hello

Your Mission

Country

Phone Tag

Automatic Phone

Leave a Message

Long Wait

Lost Phone

Alien Phone Call

If You Would Like

Klutz

Easy Listening

Flight 416

Post Office

Sixth Sense Detection Agency

 

Here's some jokes for you!

A boy was watching a priest write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me," the father answered.

The boy replied, "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

 


 

 

 


 

 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

 


 

 

 

 


 

There once was a priest, a minister, and a rabbi fishing in a boat together.

One day, the priest said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out of the boat. He then walked on water and took a drink from a booth on the beach.

The next day, the minister said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out of the boat. He then walked on water and also took a drink from a booth on the beach.

On the third day, the rabbi said, "I'm thirsty". But as soon as he stepped out of the boat, he drowned.

The minister looked at the priest and said, "Think we shoulda told him where the rocks were?"

 


 

 

 

 


A little boy found a bible so old it was covered in 12 inches of dust. The little boy scooped away the dust and then slowly opened the ancient bible.

As he opened the bible he noticed a leaf. He quickly ran to his mom and said, "Look what I found mom!"

The mom asked, "What is it"?

"I think it's Adams underwear", replied the boy.



A priest trained his horse to go when he said, "Praise the Lord," and to stop when he said, "Amen". The priest mounted the horse, said, "Praise the Lord" and went for a ride.

When he wanted to stop for lunch, he said, "Amen".

He took off again, saying, "Praise the Lord".

The horse started going toward the edge of the cliff. The preacher got excited and said, "Whoa!". Then he remembered and said, "Amen", so the horse stopped at the edge. The priest was so relieved that he looked up to heaven and said, "Praise the Lord!"

 


 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

A CCD teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

 

 

 


A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."


Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"


"There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."


"No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."

 



 

After hearing about miracles, a little girl went up to her priest.

"In my house," said the little girl, "when handwriting appears on the wall it's not a miracle, it's the work of my little brother."

 


 


 

 

A man found himself wondering whether there were any golf courses in Heaven. He even began to ask the question in his prayers. One day, in answer to his prayers, he received a direct answer from on high.

"Yes," said the Heavenly messenger, "There are many excellent golf courses in Heaven. The greens are always in first class condition, the weather is always perfect and you always get to play with the very nicest people."

"Oh, thank you," said the man, "That really is marvelous news."

"Yes, isn't it?" replied the messenger, "And we've got you down for a foursome next Saturday."

 


 


 

 

Two Christians have lived very good, and also very healthy lives. They die, and go to heaven.

As they are walking along, marveling at the paradise around them, one turns to the other and says "Wow. I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this!"

"Yeah", says the other. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran we could have got here tenyears sooner."

 

 


 

 


 

 

 

 


 

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five-year-old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.

"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she says as she shook the older boy in anger. "We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him ...in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes. 

 

 


 

 

 

A little girl was told about the life of Jesus. During CCD when it came to the part about Jesus' miracles, she said, "Yes, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!" The teacher urged her to tell more.

She said, "Well, Jesus told them to open the tomb, and then He said, 'Lazarus, come out!' And it's a good thing he didn't just say 'Come out!' because there would have been a stampede of dead guys."

 


 

Q: Where is King Soloman's temple?

A: On the side of his head!

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

CCD Teacher: "What evidence is there in the Bible that Adam and Eve were noisy?"

Boy: "They raised Cain!"

 


One day in church, the priest delivered a sermon based on the timeless story of the prodigal son. When he got to the point where the father sees his son returning and races out to meet him, the minister said "Throwing wide his arms, the father said..."

A young boy jumped up & shouted, "YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

 


 

 

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."


 

Look at these funny cartoons!